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What would Jesus play?

Playstation 3
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Do you use "cheat codes"?

No, they are not Christian
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Only if I can't get past a level
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[The Cross] The Real Joystick

Christian Gaming Zone

With Kyle "Da G-Man" Goldman

THOUGHTZ 4 GAMERZ:

Here's a thought to pass on to any unsaved gamerz you know:

“U save ur game b4 u die... shouldn't u let Jesus save ur soul b4 u die IRL?”

Note from Pastor Skeet:

Hey, Pastor Skeet here... We've given our own Kyle Goldman a page on the Zounds! site for his awesome mini-reviews of video games. When he's not too busy studying at the F-Ship to become a Missiological Technician, Kyle likes to hang with his peeps in the Commons and play some vids. And let me tell you, Da G-Man got game. Back in the day, I could play a righteous game of Pong, but even I've got nothing on Kyle's mad skillz. As the gamers say: I got pee-to-the-owned, powned.

Hopefully Kyle's reviews will help y'all enjoy some Christ-centered gaming and inspire you to take up the mission in-game. Remember: just 'cause you're an Orc doesn't mean you can't witness for Jesus to your fellow gamers! For the Lord!


Christian Games

In-Depth Reviews:
Minecraft (Mojang Specifications, Java platforms)
Creeper demon from Minecraft
Minecraft a cross-over hit of a Christian game that will reach the unsaved with immersive Bible lessons in its single-player campaign and ample witnessing opportunities in multiplayer.

Read the full review...

The You Testament (MDickie, PC)
Jesus in 'The You Testament'
An interesting game that lets you follow Jesus through the Bible and create your own testament. Unfortunately it suffers from some major theological confusions and possible heresy that keep this from being all it could have been.

Read the full review...

Mini-Reviews:
Heaven: The Game (Genesis Works, PC)
Axis from Heaven
Heaven is 10 years in the making and involves one of the people behind the Myst games. The look of Heaven is similar to the Secular Japanese series Final Fantasy, only Heaven truly is final and it is no fantasy -- it is real! The game's depiction of Heaven was constructed as closely as possible to the descriptions in the book of Revelation, so we can look forward to visiting the game's locations when we die (assuming of course you have accepted Jesus as your Savior. Otherwise you will be spending the rest of eternity living through Doom.) The plot of the game has you playing as Commander Joshua, an astronaut who lands in Heaven after his ship is damaged by asteroids. You meet up with Axis, who was healed through Faith of her paralyzed legs and now enjoys the Glory of Eternal Life and can do cartwheels around Heaven. Together you meet and interact with other characters, including the 24 Kings; Archangel Micheal, Commander of the Northern Angel Host; the Calf, Man, Lion, and Eagle beasts; and Jesus Himself! The game features advanced technology such as a 360-degree panning 3D world, realistic motion capture, and animated lens flares. †††††
Catechumen (N'Lightning, PC)
Catechumen
Catechumen is a first-person 3D game set in pre-Constantine Rome when Christians are being persecuted. It's like Doom, only it doesn't turn players into murderers (see below). You play a Christian student (a "catechumen") who must descend into the depths of the catacombs in order to rescue your captured tutor from the evil forces of the Roman Empire, who are under the control of Satan himself. You are armed with the powerful Sword of the Spirit given to you by an Angel who helps you throughout your quest. Your sword shoots a spiritual laser that converts possessed Roman soldiers into Christians and vaporizes demons. Besides being exciting and cutting-edge, Catechumen is an excellent game to learn both history and the basics of Spiritual Warfare. ††††† (Demo available.)
Jesus In Space (Sunday Software, PC & Mac)
Jesus at the Last Supper as re-enacted on the planet Whammo
Jesus In Space is an interactive learning game that teaches young players how to take the Great Commission to other worlds. You play as Lieutenant Stu Dent in three adventure lessons to three different planets: a fish planet, a robot planet, and a snowman planet. The varied gameplay includes asteroid blasting, snowball fights, and consulting your Bible. Just like how He took human form when He visited our planet, the game really makes you think about how Jesus would appear to unsaved beings on the other worlds He created. Would He look like a fish person on a water world? Would He be a robot on a robot planet? Today's children will one day visit His other planets and this game will prepare them to translate the Gospel so that it can be understood and related to by the unsaved aliens they find. ††††
Attack of the Sunday School Zombies (Sunday Software, PC)
Sunday School Zombies
Unlike with Secular zombie games (see below), Attack of the Sunday School Zombies uses zombies as a metaphor for people who attend Sunday School mindlessly without understanding why they are there. These "zombies" don't eat people, they eat chocolate dipped donuts. They also whine a lot, which is where you come in. In this thought-provoking and fun game in a 3D Sunday school setting, you play as Super Kenz the Bible Kid who uses a "Donut Flinger" to shoot donuts at the "zombies" who complain about being in Church, thereby causing them to stop whining long enough for you to offer insights and correct their attitudes. †††††
Chariots (Heaven's Blessings Tiny Zoo, PC)
Chariots
Chariots is a racing game that takes place during Biblical times. Instead of racing cars like you do in Secular games, you race chariots through 13 cities around the island of Cyprus. The game also includes foot races, horse races, hippodrome races, marathons, scripture quests, and 13 different chariots and 16 steeds you can collect! Chariots will be part of a much larger Christian MMORPG called Visions, still in development. ††††½
Forgiveness (Breakthrough Gaming, PC)
Foregiveness Chapter 1
Forgiveness is an awesome turn-based RPG series (there are three games, or chapters) where you lead Jimmy, Esther, Clown, and Paul on a quest to change the world using the power of forgiveness. The graphics and gameplay are old school, like old Final Fantasy or Zelda games only without the occult or homosexual influences. Each chapter is inexpensive (only $9.95) and appropriate for all ages. †††††
Zoo Race (Cougar Interactive, PC)
Zoo Race
In Zoo Race, secular librarian Hannah, after mocking someone for believing in the Biblical truth of Noah's Ark, has a dream in which her friends are re-shaped into animals just disembarked after the Flood -- only with crazy hats! Noah races the animal friends with God acting as announcer. Noah's sons create obstacles on the racetrack to challenge the gamer, who can use rockets to accelerate their animal. Hannah wakes realizing her foolishness for doubting the Bible and dedicates her soul to Christ. A fast and fun racing game for up to 8 players! (Free 4-player demo available.) ††††
Noah's Adventures (Cougar Interactive, PC)
Noah's Adventures
Noah's Adventures is an interactive, Biblically scaled Noah's Ark for you to explore. This fun and educational game will teach your kids about baraminology and how Noah ran the Ark through activities like Hide and Seek, Animal Adventure, and Animal Quiz games. Includes 32 different baramins (created kinds), 18 songs, and a machinima movie about the Flood. (Free demo available.) †††
Heaven Quest (Top Medow, PC)
Heaven Quest
Heaven Quest is a multi-player computer board game where you roll dice to move your game piece -- which can be a Knight, Spaceman, Baby, or Grandma -- along a winding trail through Biblical scenes starting at the Gates of Eden. Answer over a thousand Bible questions of 5 levels of difficulty and meet Moses, King David, and John the Baptist! This game is great for families to play together, as both young kids and older people will be able to play it (no gaming skillz required), but it's still fun and educational for teens and young adults. (Also check out Gil's Bible Jumble from the same company.) †††
Bibleman: A Fight For Faith (Covenant Studios, PC; soon: GBA/DS/PS2)
Bibleman
The popular sci-fi superhero Bibleman makes his first game appearance in this adaptation of the DVD of the same name. Put on the Full Armor of God and guide Bibleman, Cypher, and Biblegirl as they do battle against the archvillain Wacky Protestor and his Secular henchmen, who are seeking to rid the world of Christianity. Unlike Secular games that reward violence, Bibleman doesn't attack his foes. Instead he deflects their attacks. The game, which is aimed at the 12 and under market, is presented in 3/4 view and includes live-action video, original music by the Rock n' Roll Worship Circus, and exciting Bible scripture. (Demo available) ††††
Left Behind: Eternal Forces (Left Behind Games, PC)
Left Behind
A RTS based on the popular book series. Lead the Tribulation Force to conduct physical & spiritual warfare against throngs of unsaveds in the streets of New York, where chaos breaks out as God's purple vortexes start Rapturing Christians. There's now also a sequel, Left Behind: Tribulation Forces, with new maps and 45 new missions! †††††
Soldier of God & Bible Defenders (AV 1611 Productions, PC)
Dr. Samuel Gipp not suffering some witches to live.
These are two free games done in a retro style. Soldier of God takes place in a not-too-distant future where Bibles are burned, Christians are hunted, and Bible-believers everywhere are forced into hiding. As Dr. Samuel Gipp, you must shoot your way through nine levels of witches, wizards and other murderous heathens to reach the Christian refugee camp, while collecting priceless fragments of Scripture that the bible-burners missed. Bible Defenders is a Super Mario Brothers type game where you can play as 4 different characters (including Dr. Carl Baugh and Dr. Kent Hovind, who can ride a fire-breathing dinosaur) to collect Jesus fish and hop on turtles. The graphics in both are primitive compared to modern games, but if you like old school gaming and the Bible, these might be just what you're looking for. †††
Dance Praise & Guitar Praise (Digital Praise, PC/Mac)
Dance Praise
Dance Praise is like the Secular game "Dance Dance Revolution" only with wholesome Christian songs and no Communist overtones. ††††
Guitar Praise lets you shred along on a guitar controller with your favorite rock artists such as tobyMac, Relient K, Flyleaf, and Newsboys. Same gameplay as the Secular "Guitar Hero" only with no Satan. †††††
The Bible Game (Crave Entertainment, GBA, also PS2/Xbox)
Jenny verses a Deceiver!
The Bible Game for Gameboy Advance lets kids keep their mind on God wherever they go. It combines herra-tick-stomping-and-holy-water-throwing action with Biblical trivia as the player goes on a quest to collect all six pieces of the Armor of God in order to defeat the Master Deceiver. Much better for kids than Pokemon. (There's also a more advanced version for PS2 and Xbox with minigames and multiplayer competition.)††††
One Nation Under God: America's Christian Founders (Inspired Idea, PC)
One Nation Under God screenshot
One Nation Under God is a 3D platform-type game where you guide Uncle Sam through the many-leveled Halls of History in quest of Liberty and to learn how America was founded as a Christian nation. Uncle Sam can jump, fly, bounce, and dodge cruise missiles while uncovering actual, researched quotes from the Founding Fathers that prove they were Christians. It is a great mixture of historical learning and fun 3D action for the whole family. (Demo no longer available.) †††
Apps:
What Would Jesus Say? (iPhone)
What Would Jesus Say?
WWJS? is an iPhone app that has a cartoon Jesus who will give pieces of wisdom from the Bible every time you click on Him. Unlike occultic devices such as the "Magic 8-Ball", WWJS? only provides true information that is useful in every situation. I haven't been able to try it since Apple products aren't allowed on the Fellowship Campus, but from the description it sounds like it would be very useful for witnessing to the sort of unsaved hipsters who are attracted to iPhones. Get it before Apple realizes that their device is being subverted for righteousness and removes the app from their store. ††††
Awesome Upcoming Releases:
Bible Navigator X (Xbox 360, PC)
The first complete Bible available on a video game console! Available for DL in December.
Rebel Planet: Brontosaurus walking through pre-Flood hamlet
The Rebel Planet: Chapter One: Orion (PC)
Explore the world before the Great Flood filled with dinosaurs and wicked men. (Release TBA)
Tribulation Knights (PC)
Help lead Christians from harm's way in the large, free-roaming post-Rapture city of Tortosa Bay. Features flying cars and mission-based gameplay. It's like Grand Theft Auto, only not evil. (Release TBA)

Retro Games

Here are some old-school Christian games...

Noah's Ark (1983, Arcade - Enter-Tech)
Noah gathering Middle Eastern kangaroos
Noah's Ark was a cabinet game for arcades. As Noah, you collect pairs of animals and put them in the Ark before the Flood waters rise. Each level you had to collect more and more pairs. If you succeeded, you got to see an animation of the dove being released and God's rainbow in the sky. It was a very advanced game for its time, featuring a scrolling outdoors environment with weather effects like thunder. It was historically accurate too, showing kangaroos in their native Middle Eastern habitat. The biggest challenge was getting the male unicorn, who pops up only for a while before disappearing again. The Fellowship U. cafeteria has one of these old machines and I tried getting the unicorn on it, but I never could. I don't know if anything special happens if you do.
Bible Adventures (1991, NES - Wisdom Tree)
Noah carrying monkeys to the Ark
Bible Adventures was a Christian alternative to Super Mario Brothers, with three games in one: In Noah's Ark, you played Noah as he gathers male and female versions of various animals, along with their food supply, in a giant forest around the Ark. In Baby Moses, you played Moses' sister, Miriam, carrying baby Moses along the Nile while avoiding Egyptian guards, seagulls, and giant Nile spiders. You needed to be carrying Moses at the end of the level to complete it. If you accidentally dropped Moses into the Nile you could keep playing, but you would have to start the level over again! In David and Goliath, you played David as he collects sheep to earn a sling while being chased by nut-throwing squirrels, head-butting rams, sheep-hungry lions, scorpions, and angry bears. He later must pass a gauntlet of Philistines and boulders to fight Goliath. (You can play the game online for free!)
Spiritual Warfare (1992, NES - Wisdom Tree)
Unsaved business men wander the streets. Can you convert them?
Spiritual Warfare was a Christian alternative to the Legend of Zelda. You are a soldier in the army of the Lord. Your city has been taken over by demons under the command of Satan. You must explore the city and cast out the demons, as well as recover the Full Armor of God (Ephesians 6:13-17). Along the way you meet many villains, as well as helpful Christians and angels. You are armed with a selection of Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), which you can throw at unsaved people, such as business men, cyclists, city workers, muggers, and plumbers, to convert them into Christians, or at demons to make them disappear in a ball of smoke. You also have exploding pots that can both remove obstacles and convert the unsaved. Occasionally an angel will appear and ask you Bible questions. Get them right and you earn doves that let you buy supplies and weapon upgrades from an angel. (You can play the game online for free!)
Super 3D Noah's Ark (1994, SNES - Wisdom Tree)
Noah faces off against a stir-crazy lamb.
Super 3D Noah's Ark was a Christian alternative to Wolfenstein 3D. You again play Noah, only this time you have been on the Ark for months and the animals are getting restless. One day you go to do your rounds and find all the animals have escaped from their cages... and they are coming after you! You have to explore an advanced 3D model of the Ark to find them all and subdue them by shooting them with feed using a slingshot. Don't worry, this only puts them to sleep. You start off being attacked by rams and sheep, but eventually you face larger animals like a camel and elephant. The Bible doesn't say much about what happened in the Ark the 370 days that Noah and everyone were in there, so it's not to hard to imagine something like this really happening.
THOUGHTZ 4 GAMERZ:

“Be IN the game, not OF the game.”

Secular & Un-Christian Games

Critical Reviews & Exposés:

Here are some Secular and un-Christian games that parents, youth ministers, and values gamers should be aware of:

Portal (Valve, PC & Mac)
Portal
9.4.2010: (This game is rated T for teen.) Portal is a first-person action puzzle game where you have to escape rooms by the clever use of a gun that shoots portals, allowing you to move between distant locations. Your character is forced to do this by a female-voiced computer named Gladys, who has killed all the workers at the Aperture Science facility and is now "testing" you like a lab rat. Portal's story is based on the idea of the "Singularity" taught by Atheist prophet Raymond Kurzwell. The Singularity has been called Atheism's version of the Rapture, only twisted and evil. According to Singularity believers, humans will eventually create intelligent computers just like God created us, then the computers will become smarter than us and kill humanity like Atheists claim that humans "outgrew" and "killed" God. (Darwinists refer to this replay of events as "Recapitulation Theory" or the "Biogenetic Law.") This is of course nonsense. Humans cannot create intelligence... only God can do that! And computers can never be truly intelligent since they don't have souls (unless God decides they should, and then He will do the ensoulment Himself, not Atheist computer programmers). While showing the supposed outcome of the Singularity, where the created becomes superior to its creator, Portal also mocks God and advocates man's rebellion against His authority. Gladys, whose omnipresent voice makes her a not-very-subtle mockery of God, promises cake after the testing is complete, but really she intends to incinerate you in a fire. There are hidden messages scrawled throughout the levels saying "The cake is a lie", which in context really mean "God's promise of Salvation is a lie". The ultimate goal of the game is to kill Gladys and free yourself from her control, much like the Atheist's ultimate goal of killing God so he can live a life of wantonness. While the game has no blood (you only "kill" robots) or sex (although it implies possible intimate relations with an inanimate object known as the "weighted companion cube"), the bleakness of its worldview and oppressive proselytizing of crazy Atheist theology earn it ZERO CROSSES. (A sequel, Portal 2, has been announced. Early previews show it to be more of the same.)
Red Dead "Redemption" (Rockstar, Xbox 360 & PS3)
Red Dead Redemption
6.19.2010: (Note: I have not played this game since it is rated "M" and isn't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) Red Dead "Redemption" is the latest in the Grand Theft Auto series by notorious publishers Rockstar. This one takes place in the Wild West in 1910. You play John Marston, a former murderer and horse thief, who must redeem himself for his evil ways by killing his former gang members, as well as US Army soldiers, Indians, Mexican soldiers, Mexican villagers, and the last remaining buffalo. Uh, guys, that's not how redemption works! Redemption is through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who gave His Life on the Cross so that we may be redeemed for our sins, not through mass murder. But RDR tries to mock the story of Christ in order to promote twisted values, even having John Marston die in the last mission only to be resurrected in his son, Jake Marston, who carries on his father's "redemption" killing spree. The game includes many brutal and depraved acts, as well as a constant stream of swears: You must aid a man who robs graves to do unspeakable things to corpses. You help a homosexual Mexican general kill villagers. There's a nude sex scene that's 1000% more graphic than the "hot coffee" scene Rockstar got in trouble for a few years ago (which shows that the Secular video game industry is getting worse). You can hunt animals in the game, which is a necessary part of our post-Fall world, but the game focuses in lurid detail on butchering the animal, showing blood splattering all over the screen. You are given achievements for killing 1500 people (with no distinction between outlaws, lawmen, and innocent villagers) and making 250 "headshots". You are actually given an achievement for hogtying a woman, placing her on a train track, and watching as her body is mangled by a train! You specifically must watch this happen to get your reward (there are videos of people doing this on YouTube, but they are too sick to link to). Red Dead "Redemption" is not about redemption and has no redeeming qualities, so I give it ZERO CROSSES.
Brütal Legend (EA (who else?), Xbox 360 & PS3)
Brutal Legend
10.26.2009: (Note: I have not played this game since it is rated "M" and isn't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) Brütal Legend is a game centered around so-called "Heavy Metal" music (not the righteous kind like Stryper or Bloodgood, but the Satanic kind that is common in Secular culture). You play as Eddie Riggs, a roadie for a Heavy Metal band who is transported to a world based on the Satanic covers of metal albums, where he battles "supernatural overlords" using a battle axe and magic he conjures via his guitar as he travels in a hot rod named "the Deuce", which is slang for the Devil. Eddie Riggs (the character is named in honor of the Satanic demon mascot of Iron Maiden) is voiced by Secular musician/actor Jack Black. Black is a notorious anti-Christian Satanist. At a nationally televised awards show held by the Secular cable network MTV in September, Black actually led the audience in a prayer to Satan! He also appeared in a pro-Homosexual agenda video playing Jesus in which he mocked our Lord. His band, Tenacious D, regularly includes vulgarity and dark imagery in its songs. In his appearances promoting Brütal Legend, Black has been wearing a rubber muscle suit. Unlike real bodybuilders who grow their muscles through dedication to Christ, Satanists find themselves atrophied, both physically and spiritually, and so they need artificial means to pump them up (such as drugs or rubber suits). Having someone like Black as the public face of this game tells you all you need to know about it: it has no spiritually redeeming value and will likely turn players into physically weak Satanists. (Also I heard a rumor that if you press the Triangle/Y button 666 times at the title screen, you unlock a cheat that makes the dozens of licensed Heavy Metal songs in the game play backwards, allowing you to hear their backmasked Satanic messages. Players who don't enable the cheat instead get the messages delivered subliminally into their minds.) Considering all this, Brütal Legend has earned ZERO CROSSES.
Dante's Inferno (EA) and Electronic Arts in general
7.3.2009: I hesitated to mention this here when it was in the news a month ago, since it would only bring more attention to people who do not deserve it, but I keep getting emails asking me to review a Secular game called "Dante's Inferno" so I thought I should address it. The game itself looks forgettable, with lots of violence and killing and the usual stuff you find in Secular games. It also has nothing to do with Dante's classic poetic work, they're just stealing his name to make their game seem more high-brow or something. If I were to bother with a mini review based on the media reports of the game itself, I'm guessing I would probably give it ZERO CROSSES. But the real notable thing about it is the way that the game's makers, Electronic Arts (EA), have been promoting it with a viral marketing campaign centered around mocking Christians. At E3, a trade show for the Secular gaming industry, EA's Atheistic marketing department held a fake protest against the game with people holding picket signs saying stuff like "Hell Is Not A Game" and "EA = Electronic Anti-Christ". Of course, the Secular media (both gaming and mainstream) ate up this anti-Christian deception and ran numerous stories gloating at how silly Christians are for protesting the game. (Protip for the media: I've been to real Christ-centered protests and we had much more clever signs.) EA also made a fake website for the supposed "Christian" group that is against their game. I mean, really, what sort of jerks would do such a thing? (This isn't even the first time EA's done this... see the review of Spore below.) Impersonating Christians and making fake Christian websites to make us look like fools is not only despicable, but a further sign that we are in the End Times (see Mark 13:13). I would suggest a boycott of EA's games, but they don't make any I would give more than ZERO CROSSES.
Doom 1, 2, & 3 (I.D. Software, PC)
Doom 1
12.12.2008: Much has been written about Doom, especially its role in causing the Columbine High School massacre. It is a violent game filled with dark, Satanic imagery that desensitizes young players to murder and the Devil. Everyone knows this so I won't go over all that again. Instead, I would like to point out the real tragedy with Doom was what could have been. In the Doom series, you play a U.S. Marine who fights the forces of Satan. While you use violence, it is only against demons. On its own this would be a positive thing as it reinforces the role of our Christian military in spreading the Light of God throughout the world and opposing the Satanic forces that would do us harm. Unfortunately, the game's maker, John Carmack, is an Atheist. This means that he had no clue what he was doing when he used this idea as the central narrative of his game. Instead of highlighting the positive aspects of Spiritual Warfare and uplifting people to become Warriors for Christ, his Atheistic ignorance of the Bible let him become a conduit for Satan to sensationalize the demonic enemies, actually making them seductive to youth! I know this because, before I was saved, I played Doom. I was entranced by the Satanic imagery and violence. I thank the Lord that OBJECTIVE: Ministries' Jim Carlson came along and led me to Jesus and got me in touch with Pastor Skeet before I did anything really bad. I don't know if I would have killed anyone, but you can never be certain when dealing with Satan's works. Because of its complete and devastating failure to deliver on the promise of uplifting Spiritual Warfare training, to the point of actually recruiting some players into Satan's army, the Doom series gets ZERO CROSSES. For those who want a real Spiritual Warfare game made by knowledgeable Christians, I would suggest Catechumen, reviewed above.
Tetris (Soviet Academy of Sciences, available everywhere)
Tetris
12.10.2008: Tetris is an action puzzle game where the player rotates falling block shapes to make them fit together in a pile. When a row is filled, it disappears, keeping the height of the pile of blocks from increasing. As the game progresses, it continually speeds up until the player starts making mistakes that allow the blocks to reach the top of the game area, ending the game. Tetris is unwinable, you can only put off your inevitable defeat. This fatalistic aspect of the game should come as no surprise since it was originally created in 1985 in the Soviet Union, where the Atheist government taught everyone that there is nothing but a bleak, pointless existence followed by death with no chance for Salvation. It is claimed that the word "tetris" comes from the game pieces all being made of four blocks. In reality, the game was named in mockery of the Trinity by adding a forth hypostasis, the Communist State, to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Because it is simple to program, versions of Tetris can be found on every game, computer, and operating system. There have even been implementations of Tetris done using computer controlled lights in office buildings, turning the lighted windows into the falling blocks. The ubiquity of Tetris is also because it is highly addictive. Its repetitive gameplay and use of a repetitive Russian folk tune causes players to slip into a hypnagogic state, making them receptive to the Communistic themes inherent in the game imagery (everyone is an unindividualistic block that must be made to fit together in Soviet conformity, and sometimes whole lines of people are made to disappear without any explanation). This is intentional, since, like all work done by the Soviet Academy of Science where Tetris was developed, it was part of secret military research, in this case having to do with mind control. (The US military also researched mind control video games in the 1980s, including one called "Polybius", but we never used them during the Cold War, unlike the Soviets who unleashed Tetris into the general public where it's still affecting people to this day.) Because of its fatalistic worldview and the danger it poses to people's God-given Free Will, all implementations of Tetris get ZERO CROSSES. [See our Tetris video exposé on GodTube.]

UPDATE (1.8.2009): The Secular media must be reading my reviews because shortly after I exposed Tetris for what it really is, they started trying to counter my exposé (without mentioning it, naturally) by promoting a so-called "study" hastily printed in some Darwinist online journal that claims Tetris is beneficial to mental health. They say soldiers should play Tetris within 6 hours of being in combat to keep them from having post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The only way that could happen is if all our soldiers were equipped with Tetris games in the field! And how did they learn this? They showed subjects some sort of snuff film with like people being killed (where did they get this? do the police know about it?) then had the subjects play Tetris. What kind of sick experiment is this!? Before I was born again I saw a Secular movie called, I think, "the Parallax View", where a shadowy corporation is brainwashing people to become assassins by showing them a propaganda movie that has all sorts of disturbing images mixed with words like "GOD", "LOVE", "COUNTRY", etc. They didn't have them play Tetris afterwards, but I guess that's how they do it nowadays. I asked my Game Theory professor Dr. Holgroth about this and he thinks this whole thing is a plot by the militant Atheists to undermine our military. We try to install a Christian worldview in our soldiers in basic training and military academies, then when they are deployed, anti-Christians sneakily put Communist propaganda in their hands to condition them to associate relief from traumatic stress with a Godless worldview. (For those suffering from PTSD, do not be tricked by crypto-Communists into playing Tetris! Real relief from PTSD can be had by taking beta blockers, SSRIs, and memorizing scripture.)

Left 4 Dead, Dead Rising, Resident Evil, and other "zombie" games (various)
Left 4 Dead
12.8.2008: (Note: I have not played the games mentioned here since they are all rated "M" and aren't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) There's a new game popular with Secular gamers called Left 4 Dead. It's a four-person co-op game where players try to escape from a city overrun with zombies. This is only the most recent in a long line of Secular games that feature zombies as enemies. Others include Dead Rising, where players battle zombies in a shopping mall, and the Resident Evil series. Originally zombies were Haitians who were made into mindless slaves (using drugs and demonic powers) that did the bidding of Pagan voodoo priests. Then in 1968 a movie called Night of the Living Dead redefined zombies as reanimated corpses rising out of graveyards, driven to eat the brains of the living. What few realize is that this modern concept of zombies was created by anti-Christians as propaganda against the real biblical phenomenon of bodily resurrection of the dead. Jesus has promised us that when He returns, He will raise all our dead bodies and make them better than new so that we can live forever bodily in His Kingdom on New Earth. The so-called "zombie apocalypse" common in Secular fiction, where mortal humans must fight off zombie hoards, is really an attempt to scare the unsaved into rejecting their resurrected family and friends after His return (nearly every zombie story pointedly includes a scene where a character is forced to destroy the animated body of a loved one). Zombie games such as the ones above are designed not only to reinforce this propaganda, but to train the unsaved to mindlessly do the bidding of Satan (much like the original zombies). Because of their goal of scaring the unsaved into rejecting the last chance at redemption, and for promoting the destruction of God's newly resurrected bodies, forcing Him to keep respawning them, all Secular zombie games get ZERO CROSSES.
Fable II (Microsoft, Xbox 360)
Fable II
11.11.2008: (Note: I have not played this game since it is rated "M" and isn't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) Even though Proposition 8 passed in California, saving millions of traditional Christian marriages in that state from being nullified by so-called "gay marriage", militant homosexuals are still trying to press their agenda to destroy traditional marriage and families so they can live in sin supported by our tax dollars. Their newest tactic is to desensitize young people to so-called "gay marriage", and the "gay lifestyle" in general, by depicting it as normal in Secular entertainment, thereby raising up a generation that will not know right from wrong. (Pastor Skeet told me that homosexual operatives control the entertainment industry through the so-called "art departments" and the powerful Crafts Services Union, which uses techniques developed by Soviet scientist Ivan Pavlov to secretly condition Hollywood workers into reflexive negative responses to Christian morality, thereby reinforcing so-called "Hollywood values"). Now that the influence of video games has surpassed that of movies in the entertainment landscape, it is no surprise that militant homosexuals are using them to promote so-called "gay marriage". In the Secular role-playing game Fable II, your male character is actually encouraged to "marry" other men. In fact, the game does nothing to stop you from "marrying" multiple men! This subversive anti-family propaganda combined with other immoral behavior -- including perversions such as prostitution, group sex, and divorce, as well as the ability to measure your character's progress as he becomes evil and corrupt through the growth of devil horns! -- forces me to give the game ZERO CROSSES.
Spore (Electronic Arts, PC & Mac)
Spore
9.10.2008: People have been emailing me about this game, but I have not looked into it enough yet to give it a proper review like the ones below. It's apparently designed to teach children (it's rated "E") to believe in Darwinism by having them "evolve" a spore into a race of UFO pilots who take over the galaxy (this is totally unrealistic, so it's an accurate simulation of Darwinism). Some Christians (and oddly militant Atheists) are claiming that it actually promotes Intelligent Design because it lets you design what your organism will look like (if this is the case, then it is promoting the blasphemy of Raëlism, not Biblical ID), but apparently that design part was just slapped on top of the evolutionism teachings and most players are only using it to design obscenities (I won't go into details, but suffice to say the word "sporn" has been coined). I will make a more thorough report later, but for now serious researchers can read more details on the Anti Spore blog. (Be warned that they show screenshots that are not wholesome... I had to use Pastor Skeet's unfiltered research computer just to access them. Don't worry though, if you're using Covenant Eyes you'll be safe.)

UPDATE (9.13): Don't go to that anti-Spore site! It's actually a "satirical" viral ad from Electronic Arts that mocks Christians in order to drive up sales of Spore among angry Darwinists. Will Right, the guy who made Spore, is a professed Atheist, so he likes to deceive people with so-called "satire" (which is really just an elitist way of saying "lies"... did you know that the word "satire" is really a combination of the words "Satan" and "ire"? It's true, I read it somewhere.) "Satire" like that is only designed to enrage people and confuse the issues, like how in the TV ads for Spore they promote it by asking "Do you believe in Creavolutionism?", which totally confuses people about proper creation science by making them think it's somehow compatible with Evolutionism. Also, I've been hearing that Spore puts some sort of monitoring/tracking software called DRM on your computer. I think this might be one of the Marks of the Beast, but I'll have to ask Pastor Dr. Miller to be sure. This DRM obviously isn't placed on your right hand or forehead like in Rev. 13:16 (yet... implanted RFID chips may soon be required in people and they will probably have DRM on them) but read the rest of the quote from Rev. 13:17... "And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name." From my understanding, DRM uses a number (the cryptographic key) that is essentially the numerical name of the DRM maker, and unless you install the DRM on your computer you can't buy stuff, and people making games are forced to use DRM in order to sell them! So even though Spore's rated "E" and allowed on campus I won't be installing it on my computer to review (I don't want my computer marked by the beast!). Given all these issues with Darwinism, deceptive marketing, and possible beast marking, I am giving Spore ZERO CROSSES.

Halo 1, 2 & 3 (Bungie, Xbox & PC)
Halo 'teabag'
Halo nude Cortana
8.31.2008: (Note: I have not played these games since they are rated "M" and aren't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) The Halo series is a very popular first person shooter game that first appeared on the original Xbox. The single-player campaign is set in space on a giant ring-planet (that is why it is misleadingly called "halo", it has nothing to do with angels or anyone holy) where human soldiers are battling aliens for possession of the halo. The player controls the Master Chef who in a surprise twist turns out to be more than just a military cook... he's also a super soldier (I think this was the plot of a Steven Seagal movie I saw before I was born again, only that was set on a Navy ship and he fought terrorists instead of aliens. But it's the same general idea.) It's a war game, so there's lots of violence, but it's against aliens (God hasn't said anything yet about aliens, so I guess that's morally acceptable for now). However, the alien forces are called "the Covenant" and are depicted as having strong religious values and a desire for Salvation, so they are undoubtedly a reference to Christians. The Halo planet itself is probably a reference to the rainbow God gave as a sign of His Covenant with us (Gen. 9:12-17), which means the game's objective of keeping Halo from the aliens is really about destroying God's relationship with His creation. Typical for the Secular media, the Christians are alien bad guys and must be either led away from God or killed. Also, there's a naked woman in the game, only she's a computer and translucent, but I'm told you can still totally see stuff. Where the Halo series gets really bad is in its online play, which allows teams of players to fight each other to capture the flag or other objectives. Unlike in single-player, here the players are trying to kill other humans (who are actual real people, not just AIs), desensitizing them to the murder of their friends and classmates (although the games are rated "M" most players are underage). Players swear and use blasphemies constantly in the voice chat, but that's not the worst part. When a player kills another player, he goes to the corpse and does something called "tea bagging". I'm not going to describe this since it's gross, but, according to Skeet, it's something that homosexuals do to each other. Why would they do this in a game!? (That's not the only homosexual content. The human soldiers are referred to as "Spartans" -- the real Spartans were notorious homosexuals. Come to think of it, homosexuals have also stolen the rainbow symbol from Christians and are using it to separate people from their God by leading them astray into the "Gay lifestyle". Maybe Bungie included "tea bagging" to further their anti-Covenant theme into the multiplayer campaigns.) For violence, nudity, swearing, promoting homosexual activities and promoting the destruction of the Covenant, the Halo series gets ZERO CROSSES.
Guitar Hero/Rock Band/Guitar Praise (Various)
Satan
8.27.2008: (Note: I have not played Guitar Hero or Rock Band since they contain music that isn't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) This is actually a review of a genre of games. It started with Guitar Hero, which included a plastic guitar controller that lets the player "play along" with a song by pressing the buttons on the fret and strumming a bar. The challenge is to both match the correct "chords" and to strum at the right time to stay in sync with the song, which is represented on screen with a stream of colorful "notes" coming at you. Guitar Hero became wildly popular with both kids and adults (some sources call it a "cultural phenomenon") and has spawned both sequels and a competing game called Rock Band, which adds drums and a mic. While the basic gameplay itself is otherwise wholesome and fun, the problem with these games are the songs included, which are all Secular and even Satanic in nature. These games are gateway drugs that lure innocent youths, under the guise of a harmless "party game", into listening to (and memorizing through repetition) some of the most anti-Christian and Satan-exalting rock music ever published, including songs by Marilyn Manson, Ozzy Osbourne, White Zombie, Slayer, the Blue Oyster Cult, and the S*x Pistols (if you don't know who those bands are... they're really bad. Before I gave myself to Jesus, I listened to some of these bands and I know that they are destructive and their messages promote a bleak and immoral worldview). Besides the songs, the games also have other Satanic trappings, including having Satan himself appearing as your band's manager in GH3! Parents and youth pastors are strongly encouraged to look into the songs hidden in these games and not allow their kids to be exposed to them. Thankfully, there is now an alternative for parents and pastors who want to allow their kids to get their shred on at parties and youth group meetings but don't want them having Slayer's "Reign in Blood" brainwashed into their minds. Christian game publisher Digital Praise are about to release Guitar Praise (PC & Mac), which will do for Guitar Hero what their Dance Praise did for the Secular Dance Dance Revolution. Guitar Praise will have a guitar controller just like GH's and the same gameplay, only it will include only top Christian rock bands, such as dc Talk, Thousand Foot Krutch and Skillet, that reflect Christian values instead of those of Satan. For their sneakily hidden Satanic rock content, Guitar Hero & Rock Band both get ZERO CROSSES. Guitar Praise is not released as of this writing, but I'm sure I'll give it least ††††
Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots (Komani, PS3)
Snake
Apple
6.12.2008: (Note: I have not played this game since it is rated "M" and isn't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) In Metal Gear Solid 4, you play the role of Snake, a soldier who uses stealth to sneak around a battlefield on a mission to steal guns from the Patriots (and to choke people from behind). As his name implies, Snake is actually a symbolic agent of Satan, sent into the world to finish what he started in the Garden. Evidence of this symbolism can be seen by Snake's use of an Apple iPod throughout the game (Apple is a notorious promoter of Darwinism and counter-culture). Also, Meryl, who guides Snake via a disembodied voice, uses an Apple Macintosh computer (I think Meryl is supposed to represent Satan himself, but all the symbolism is very confusing since it was written by a Japanese guy). This game promotes drug use (Snake is addicted to cigarettes and the HDD installation process features an 8-minute video of Snake teaching players how to smoke), eugenics through human cloning (Snake was the product of a project to clone "super soldiers"), disrespect of Authority (Snake's main enemy in the game are the Patriots, who represent the Christian founders of our nation), and Materialistic Determinacy with an absence of Free Will (every game in the MGS series is a remake of the first, only with a different Snake clone, the theory being that by putting the clones through the same missions, they will develop into the same person). MGS4 was designed to train those who will be left behind after the Rapture to serve in the Antichrist's military forces. As such, it has no value for the Christian gamer, who is among the Elect and won't have to deal with that, but it may help the unsaved to know the tactics they will be up against in a post-Rapture world should they choose to join the fight against the Antichrist and secure themselves a place among the Sheep when Christ returns. Therefore, I am giving it ONE CROSS for this slight benefit.
Grand Theft Auto IV (Rockstar, Xbox 360 & PS3)
Atheist Nick runs from God's Authority
5.6.2008: (Note: I have not played this game since it is rated "M" and isn't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) Grand Theft Auto IV is a game designed to brain-wash players into the Atheist worldview. In it you play Nick, an immigrant recently arrived to Liberty City (a copy of New York City) who is tasked with stealing cars and murdering prostitutes. Nick came from a former Communist country where he was brought up in Godlessness and so he sees no problem stealing and murdering. The game touts its ability to let you "go anywhere and do anything you want", the central philosophy of Atheism. It also teaches how to escape from police, instilling in the player the main motivation behind Atheism: avoidance of authority. The underlying game engine is called "RAGE", which is apt since the game is fueled by anger at God. It also uses something called "Euphoria" which treats humans as "rag dolls" who act only in accordance to physics, which is what Atheistic Materialism teaches. The game series (as the title notes, this is the fourth game) has already resulted in murders in real life. This game has no redeemable qualities. Needless to say, all Christians should avoid this game and pray for the people who made it and their victims (murder victims and gamers of all ages who have played it and have been spiritually scarred). ZERO CROSSES
BioShock (Take-Two, Xbox 360 & Windows)
'Bioshock' murder
8.24.2007: (Note: I have not played this game since it is rated "M" and isn't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) BioShock is a first-person shooter set in Rapture, an underwater city created upon the Atheist philosophies of Ayn Rand and Charles Darwin. In a Darwinian struggle to survive, players must kill small children in order to harvest their "Adam" (a.k.a. "stem cells"), which players use to obtain "plasmids" that cause them to macro-evolve superhuman abilities. The children themselves also kill other people to harvest their Adam, which is the sort of behavior Godless Darwinism teaches young people (I don't think its a coincidence that these children are aided in their killing by large diving-suited beings called "Big Daddies"). There's lots of not-so-subtle anti-Christian imagery used in the game, like how the city name, "Rapture", refers to there being no Christians living there, since they are all up above the water (much like how when the real Rapture comes, we will all be above the Earth) and how players use resources called "Adam" and "Eve" to become genetically degraded by the plasmids making them less human (just like how the Fall, caused by Adam and Eve, brought death, mutations, and carnivores to our world). I'm not sure if this game is supposed to be a cautionary tale about how Atheism and Darwinism destroy society, or a simulator to train its teenage target audience to enjoy living in such a world. Either way, the game is too disturbing to be suitable for Christian audiences. ZERO CROSSES
Bully (Rockstar, PS2, Xbox 360, PC)
'Bully' Homosexuality
10.22.2006: Bully is a very, very bad game. It promotes school violence, vandalism, disrespect for authority, and comic mischief. This was all expected when Rockstar announced their "Columbine simulator", but there's one surprise in the game no one saw coming: It teaches young boys to become homosexuals. Your character, Jimmy Hopkins, can "make out" with six other boys in the game and is rewarded with a health bonus (subtly teaching that homosexual sex is healthy). This content is hidden, not mentioned anywhere on the packaging or content rating. The game causes players to discover it by accident, then entices them to do it again and again, much like how actual homosexuality spreads. I had to try every boy in town just to find the ones that would kiss me. It was gross! After one of the boys asked me if I wanted to play "shirts and skins", I quickly turned off the Playstation because I didn't want to see what that was (Pastor Skeet later told me it's homosexual slang). Worst of all is that Bully is rated Teen, which means boys as young as 13 could be learning how to approach and kiss other boys! Parents need to be warned of this hidden objectionable content so they can organize boycotts. Please inform your Church. ZERO CROSSES

UPDATE (12.03.08): I have learned that the Xbox 360 version of this game has an achievement called "Over the Rainbow" that you unlock when you kiss 20 boys! Those people who have written me saying that the homosexual content in the game was incidental have been proven wrong: Rockstar rewards it through achievements!

Other Critical Gaming Views:

Here are some other viewpoints on Secular and non-Christian gaming from around the Net:

2.10.2010: World Net Daily reports on disturbing new facts about the game Dante's Inferno. Apparently you spend alot of the game murdering un-"baptised" babies in Limbo! (Catholics believe that babies that haven't been Catholic "baptised" -- aka "sprinkle baptised" -- go to a make-believe place called "Limbo" if they die, instead of going to Heaven as is what actually happens.) You even get an Achievement for killing enough of them! The baby-murder gameplay was discovered by a Catholic group, who also list other egregious examples of Satanic video games, such as Dragon's Age Origins, Shadow Hearts, and Bayonetta.

3.15.2009: According to respected news source World Net Daily, Hasbro's online version of the classic boardgame, The Game of Life, has replaced traditional marriage with so-called "gay" "marriage". Instead of living a wholesome life, as was presented in the original game created by Milton Bradley in 1860, your goal is to start a homosexual "family". Like many online games, this disturbing game is unrated and available for anyone to download -- including children! Hasbro's perversion of Milton Bradley's creation -- which they bought the rights to -- is almost as bad as Parker Brothers' Satanic Ouija "game".

01.28.2009: According to Secular news sources, an Indiana mother has discovered that the Nintendo DS baby-simulator game Baby Pals contains a disturbing secret message. When the baby is given a bath, it repeatedly says "Islam is the light". The game is rated "E" and makes no note of this pro-Muslim content. Not only is this deceptive and misinformative, it is also dangerous. Parents will expose their kids to this game thinking it is harmless, only to have them become confused about the true nature of the light. Like Pastor Skeet says, "Jesus is the light, turn Him on!" But how will these kids know to turn on Jesus if they think they're supposed to turn on Islam? For parents who want to give their kids an alternative to Baby Pals without the hidden Muslim propaganda, try our own Baby Jesus simulator.

1.2.2009: Video game addiction is an increasing problem for today's young people. Many Secular games try to ensnare the lives of their players, making them forget their friends, their school, and even God. Instead of exulting God, they attempt to replace Him.

Even the most innocent looking game can lead to spiritual slavery. In this shocking video exposé of gaming addiction, Paul comes under the control of the Secular game Space Cadet 3D Pinball. The game demands that he give up his life and worship it as his new "god". Can he escape its clutches and focus on the real God?

12.03.2008: Bible-based investment firm The Timothy Plan has issued a guide to video games for Christmas. They have uncovered many troubling games now on sale that I have not covered above. The most disturbing is the game Army of Two, which promotes homosexual encounters among active-duty soldiers during a time of war, jeopardizing the safety of our troops and their mission to spread Christian civilization around the globe (Dr. Holgroth told me this is part of a wider campaign by anti-Christians to undermine the Biblical basis of our military). Please read their report for more information.


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